Long distance relationships are difficult no matter the situation. Even if you love having your alone time, it can be hard to feel connected to your partner while navigating new communication channels. Not only that, finding ways to prioritize your relationship while so far apart often feels impossible, but not doing so can make one or all people in the relationship feel unseen, unimportant, or forgotten. Obviously, that is not the recipe for a healthy, fulfilling relationship. That is why it is so important to find time throughout your week you can dedicate to spending quality time with your significant other, even if you don't usually go on dates when you're together.
As for why I'm writing this post, the COVID-19 pandemic has made long distance a reality for more couples than ever before. Not only do many people live far away from their significant other, but even those who live fairly close have to refrain from visiting each other in order to keep themselves and others safe (because we are all social distancing and staying home as much as possible, right? Right!). This is uncharted territory for many, but luckily (for you, not me) I've been living 1,100 miles from my boyfriend when I'm away from school for over a year. It sucks to be so far away from him, but I'm lucky it's usually only for a few months at a time, and I'm glad I have learned some stuff that will hopefully help you navigate this difficult situation.
August and I spend time on the phone almost every day just existing together, making small talk, and watching shows and movies. During those activities, we are usually hanging around the house and doing other stuff that splits our attention. However, when it's time to go on our "date," the distractions go away, we dedicate ourselves to spending quality time together, and the jar of date ideas comes out. Each week we take turns picking a random slip and we do whatever is on it. There are a bunch of date ideas we have put into our collection, but here are five of my favorites.
1. Cook a meal and eat together
August and I did this for our one year anniversary in April. Dinner is a sit-down meal for August's family and breakfast food is my favorite, so we decided to do our date in the morning. We got dressed up, video-chatted each other while we cooked our different menus, and then sat down to enjoy them together and talk. Other ways you could do this are making the same meal or sending your partner a recipe you think they'll like and they have to make. Both August and I love food and cooking, so this has been a favorite so far.
2. Start a book club for two
August and I are on book four of our club, and even though we don't end up having long, in-depth, academic discussions on what we read, it is fun to know we are experiencing the same story. Usually, we pick a book we both have access to, set a day to read x number of chapters by, and then we talk about it briefly, and usually that leads us to another conversation. You could also read the whole book before talking to each other, or set up a time where you sit on video chat, read, and ask each other questions while you're reading! The fun thing about this is that you get to build a healthy habit and hobby together, find a common interest, and you can make it whatever you want!
3. Play a game
Playing games always turns out to be really fun, no matter how stupid, simple, or cliché they really are. One that we enjoyed playing was the "Blind Drawing Challenge." Basically, one person found an image online and then had to explain how to draw it to the other person in a certain amount of time. Not only did this produce hilarious results, but it helped us identify the gaps in our communication and allowed us to work on and fill them!
Another fun game we've played is a form of "The Newlywed Game" where you get a question and you have to try to come up with the same answer as your partner. For example, August got the question "what would your partner say was your first date?" Obviously, he had to guess what I thought our first date was. His answer was a restaurant we went to in London (9 months into our relationship!) however what I really considered to be our first date was an afternoon trip to IKEA and California Pizza Kitchen months before London. This game helped us get to know each other more, and got us thinking about how the other person sees the relationship.
The last game I wanted to tell you about is one we actually play constantly called "Freeze." Basically, if one of us receives a text from the other that says "freeze" we have to stop whatever we are doing, take a photo, and send it. This just helps us feel like we are on each other's minds during the day and it also helps us feel involved in each other's lives.
4. Learn a new language together
The idea behind this one is that you take time each day to learn a bit of a new language, and then on your date night you show that you dedicated time to the relationship all week by trying to use what you've learned to speak to each other in that language. I personally know a little bit of four languages and so does August, so it is also cool to try to teach each other a language the other person doesn't know. Depending on how well you both know a certain language, you could also combine learning a language and book club!
5. Go for a walk together
I love spending time outside, and walking is something I try to get August to go out and do with me every day when we are together ("try" being the optimal word) . When we are apart, it is still fun to call each other and go for a walk together in different places. When I was staying in California I was pretty close to a Starbucks and he also lives near one, so sometimes we would walk to get a coffee together. I like this date in particular because it helps normalize the nature of our relationship. I like having something consistent that we can do together and apart.
A fun add-on to this date is a scavenger hunt! You both have a list of things to find on your walk such as, "a yellow leaf, a blue house, etc." and when you find them you send a picture for proof. If you're in the competitive spirit, the first to complete the scavenger hunt could get a prize like a letter or little goodie in the mail. We haven't tried a scavenger hunt yet, but I hope we will soon!
So there you have it, 5 fun and easy ways to feel close and connected in your long-distance relationship. It can be a little extra work when you're far away to find time to make sure your partner feels loved, but it is so worth it and can be tons of fun.
Feel free to add to this list in the comments, reach out to me if you tried one to let me know how it went, and subscribe for more content like this!
See you soon,
Sierra
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