It is Pride Month, and as a pansexual member of the LGBTQIA+ community in a relationship with a trans man, June is an important month in my life. That said, this year, regrettably more than any other, I am reminded of the vital role that black trans women played in creating what has became known as Pride. It is because of this, and because it is my responsibility as a privileged member of society, that I feel like it is important I take some of the space on my site to share with you some content about Pride and Black Lives Matter. In this post I've compiled some of what I've learned about this HUGE topic. I hope you'll find useful information and resources regarding being a helpful ally for LGBTQ+ and Black communities, particularly in regards to Pride and Black Lives Matter. I want not only our Phase Five community to be one full of love, support, and acceptance, but our world too. I've written a fairly long post that I hope you will take the time to read, but for those of you with less time, I have bolded the most important information.
Pride
1. What is Pride?
Pride, observed throughout the month of June, is an annual celebration of the LGBTQ+ community to honor the Stonewall Riots of 1969 and a time to show pride in identifying within the LGBTQ+ community.
The Stonewall Riots of 1969 were the catalyst for and are the basis of modern-day Pride, and knowing the story of them is imperative to being a good ally. In the 1960s NYC was a particularly difficult place to live as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. Not only were gay sexual encounters illegal (in 49 states!), but it was also illegal for restaurants and bars to serve or employ people who identified as, or were suspected to be gay. During this time, the Mafia owned and profited greatly off of illegal gay bars across Manhattan and paid corrupt police officers to turn a blind eye to their activities and tip them off about impending raids. These bars included one in Greenwich Village called the Stonewall Inn, a place of acceptance and release, where many homeless and struggling LGBTQ+ individuals found their only sense of security. On June 28th an unanticipated raid occurred where police aggressively arrested patrons, targeting mostly people dressed in drag and transgender individuals. On this night, members of the gay community at the Stonewall Inn decided enough was enough, and began to fight back against their oppressors.
While no one is clear on exactly what started the riot, it is often noted that transgender women of color, Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, kicked them off by resisting arrest and throwing objects at police officers. What ensued after these unclear moments was a violent series of events over the course of a few days where the gay community protested against discrimination, injustice, and inequality. To read a more in depth timeline of events, click here.
These riots sparked unprecedented momentum in the already existing gay rights movement. Starting on June 28, 1970, the annual tradition of Gay Liberation Marches, now called Pride Marches, mark the anniversary of these historical and impactful uprisings.
2. What is LGBTQ+?
LGBTQ+ is an acronym used to describe a community of people with sexual orientations (not "preferences," which implies choice and ability to choose another) and gender identities outside of heterosexual (someone who is attracted to the other sex) or cisgender (identifying with sex and gender assigned at birth). People coined this term, and other forms of it, as a way of including and representing more identities who had been previously pushed out of the gay rights movement. Another, more inclusive form is LGBTQIA+. This might prompt you to ask, what does LGBTQIA+ stand for?
Lesbian
Gay
Bisexual
Transgender
Queer or Questioning
Intersex
Asexual or Aromantic NOT A for Ally
+ (any other identity that is not heterosexual and/or cisgender)
It is important to note that the meanings of these terms change to match the complexity of each person's unique, individual identity. That said, for basic explanations of these identities and more terms, as well as a list of terms to avoid, visit this reference guide on GLAAD.org.
The last thing I'll point out here is the difference between biological sex and gender, two mutually exclusive concepts. Most simply put, 'biological sex' refers to one's biological physiology. One common myth is that only two sexes exist. In reality, there are at least five biological sexes!
Gender, on the other hand, is a conceptual role created by society. In other words, gender does not exist on a biological level, but is the product of one's self concept. Therefore, all gender identities, including women and men, are equally arbitrary.
4. How can I be an LGBTQ+ Ally?
1. DO Listen and give those in the LGBTQ+ community space to safely express themselves. While listening, try to sympathize (not empathize) with the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of those in the LGBTQ+ Community.
DON'T speak over LGBTQ+ experiences or put heterosexual and cisgender experiences on the same level as those of LGBTQ+ communities, you are a guest in this movement. Instead of asking yourself why there isn't a straight pride parade/month, consider how privileged you are to not need one.
2. DO tastefully inquire about someone's pronouns if you are unsure, and DO apologize if you slip up. It's as simple as saying, in a safe and private setting, "hey, what pronouns do you prefer?" or when you slip up saying,"oh, sorry, *place corrected pronoun here*". If you are afraid they will be offended, consider why it is offensive for you to be learning how to be equally considerate of all gender identities. Getting pronouns right is incredibly important.
DON'T purposefully or carelessly misgender or use slurs against anyone in the community, even those you don't like. By doing this, you are lying about being an ally. Effectually you are saying your allyship, love, and acceptance is conditional, and are therefore creating a space where your LGBTQ+ friends feel unsafe and unable to be themselves. Using correct language when referring to someone is a basic necessity for regarding another as human. No matter how evil you or your friends think someone is, it is never ok to purposefully or carelessly misgender someone or use slurs against them. By doing so, you turn them into an "other" based on their gender identity and sexual orientation, that is, you regard them as inhuman because they are LGBTQ+, and that is the root of homophobia.
3. DO acknowledge your own biases, prejudices, and privileges, even if it is uncomfortable. Saying you have privilege as a heterosexual, cisgender person does not mean that your life hasn't been hard, it just means that it wasn't hard because of your sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Having privilege doesn't mean that you are a bad person, it just means that you need to educate yourself on the systems that you benefit from to dismantle those ideas.
DON'T get defensive if someone holds you accountable to your own biases and DON'T assume someone is heterosexual or cisgender. If someone corrects you say, "Thank you for telling me, I'm sorry, and I'll do better next time". We all have to learn sometime, might as well do it now.
4. DO encourage your LGBTQ+ friends to be open and honest with you. Everyone needs a listening ear, particularly one who will not invalidate their problems by assuming a simple fix.
DON'T ask or pry about personal and intimate subjects that you wouldn't ask a cisgender or heterosexual person, including questions about sex life, genitalia, or sexual desires, especially to a third party. Just because their identities and sex lives are different from yours and that makes you curious does not mean you have any more of a right to know that part of their personal lives. Furthermore, inquiring about sexual matters when it is not warranted could be sexual harassment. That's not to say you can't reach out privately and respectfully about general questions you have regarding the LGBTQ+ community, or engage in more intimate topics with people you have close relationships with. Before asking questions, consider "would I want someone asking this question about me?" and "would the person feel uncomfortable or misunderstood if I asked/is this a sensitive or triggering subject for them?" Furthermore, if you deem it appropriate to ask and the person is uncomfortable responding, respect that, apologize, and Google your question instead. That said, if your friend comes to you about one of these subjects, be a nonjudgemental listening ear, use your best judgement when asking questions, and try not to pry too much.
5. DO actively try to make a difference. This could include standing up for an LGBTQ+ individual in your day to day life, voting for government officials who support LGBTQ+ rights, and/or donating and signing petitions that support the rights of the community.
DON'T remain silent, especially to avoid offending people who have hatred towards the LGBTQ+ community and make their lives harder. Not speaking up when it really counts makes you complacent. If you aren't a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem.
Allies won't always be perfect, and no one expects that, but allies are absolutely necessary.
4. Why does it matter?
LGBTQ+ Pride matters for so many reasons. Not only does Pride unite people and movements from all walks of life, but it strives to save the lives of LGBTQ+ community members through supporting, encouraging, and standing with those who are struggling and fighting against those who want to hurt the community and/or take away LGBTQ+ rights.
Being an ally is also incredibly important. Allies help with support, including in the coming out process. Allies also help educate other people on the LGBTQ+ community, as well as participate in enacting tangible change by using their voices to influence public policies and views.
5. What are some additional educational resources?
Please add to this list in the comments!
Black Lives Matter
As a white woman, I will never understand the black experience. However, as a privileged member of society, I have the opportunity to raise the voices of those with less privilege. Therefore, in this section, I will do my best to connect my readers only with resources by black identifying people of color (BIPOC). In turn, my writing will be sparse in order to amplify black voices.
1. What is Black Lives Matter (BLM)?
"#BlackLivesMatter was founded in 2013 in response to the acquittal of Trayvon Martin’s murderer. Black Lives Matter Foundation, Inc is a global organization in the US, UK, and Canada, whose mission is to eradicate white supremacy and build local power to intervene in violence inflicted on Black communities by the state and vigilantes. By combating and countering acts of violence, creating space for Black imagination and innovation, and centering Black joy, we are winning immediate improvements in our lives." blackivesmatter.com, "About", link here
"For more than 500 years Black people have been fighting for our freedom. We have fought back against slavery, Black codes, Jim Crow laws, policing, incarceration, some of the highest unemployment rates, consistent homelessness, dying while giving birth, being murdered for being trans or non-binary. We have been the consistent moral compass in a country that has thrived on harming the most vulnerable of its population." blacklivesmatter.com, "6 Years Strong", link here
White Privilege: advantages a white person has because of how their race is favored within systems of inequality. White privilege doesn't mean you life hasn't been hard, it just means your skin color wasn't a factor in that.
White Fragility: when a white person is uncomfortable or defensive in the face of accountability or awareness in the context of racial inequality and injustice.
2. But, Sierra, don't "All Lives Matter"?
Absolutely. But, if one house was on fire, the fire department wouldn't hose down your house or the other houses in the neighborhood, right? Your house is important, but it's not on fire, so it doesn't need the attention of the firefighters in that moment. The same logic applies here. Of course all lives matter, but all lives aren't being threatened on the basis of skin color. Furthermore, all lives can't matter if black lives don't matter, and that includes black LGBTQIA+ lives.
It isn't enough to simply care about black lives. You must use your privilege to protect black lives, raise their voices, and demand their equality.
3. How can I be an ally?
I have tried to outsource these do's and don'ts as much as possible so that I can accurately portray the needs of black communities. Here are the ones I found most often. I apologize for not explaining them as much as in the Pride section, I want to make sure I am projecting the needs of this community without injecting my opinion.
1. DO honor the color of Black people. Race exists, and color exists. Black is culture. Acknowledging someone is Black is not an insult until what you say makes it one. Black is beautiful and the Black community is unique and powerful. That said, if someone tells you they would like to be referred to differently, respect that. Everyone has their own self-labels that they are comfortable with.
DON'T claim you are "colorblind" or that you "don't see color". Colorblindness is a redesigned form of racism. By saying you do not see color, you are invalidating the experiences of black communities, avoiding uncomfortable conversations about accepting your own privilege, and denying the existence of racism. The point is not to be colorblind, but to see color, and honor the diversity it produces.
2. DO take education upon yourself as an ally and check in to make sure your Black friends are doing ok. Google your questions, follow more BIPOC on social media, engage in media created and produced by Black voices, and critically analyze black representation. When you reach out to your Black friends, do so with the sole purpose of checking in to see how they are doing.
DON'T reach out to Black people you know expecting them to educate you. BIPOC have been and still are shouldering the emotional labor of racism and white supremacy. It is not their job, while they fear for their lives every day and mourn the murders of members of their community, to teach you. Educate yourself and accept the education those in the community might offer you, without adding your own opinion.
3. DO Listen and give those in the Black community space to safely tell their stories without fear of rejection or being spoken over and DO amplify their voices over your own. While listening, try to sympathize (not empathize) with the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of those in the Black community.
DON'T speak over Black experiences or put white experiences on the same level as those of Black communities, you are a guest in this movement, and it is not about you. I have seen a lot of white people do this. I want to remind you that no one said your life is easy, but if you are white, you do not live and fear of being murdered based on your skin color, and therefore in this context, your experiences are irrelevant. This might sound cold, but it is not fair to prioritize White feelings over Black lives. Period. I would rather offend my White friends than bury my Black friends and I hope you would agree.
4. DO seek to understand, accept, and acknowledge your own privileges, particularly if you are white. White privilege does not mean you are a bad person or that your life hasn't been hard. White privilege does mean that you benefit from systems that oppress others and that hardships in your life were/are not the result of your skin color.
DON'T get defensive if someone holds you accountable and tries to educate you on how you are contributing to the system of racism. Unfortunately, accepting our own privilege and learning how to best serve others who've had and continue to have experiences we will never understand is an uncomfortable learning curve. When it feels like too much, like you need to step away, consider how overwhelming it must feel to BIPOC and how privileged you are to have the luxury of looking away. Education, willingness to learn, and accountability are some of the most important ways to facilitate change. No one expects you to be perfect, so don't assume or pretend you are.
5. DO make tangible efforts to support the Black community. This includes donating if you are able, signing petitions, voting for inclusive and diverse government officials, attending protests and following the wishes of the organizers, as well as stepping in when your privilege can de-escalate a situation. A quick Google search will bring you to the most important petitions to sign and foundations to donate to. I've also listed some resources below.
DON'T be silent or hide behind social media. "Silence is violence" because if you are not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem. If you are uncomfortable posting your support on social media, honestly consider and analyze why. Then consider why that's more important than publicly showing your support for Black lives. Posting on social media is a great way to spread awareness and raise Black voices, but allyship does not end there.
4. Why does it matter?
The Black Lives Matter movement highlights and fights against racial oppression, inequality, and tragic injustices that are occurring and have occurred for over 400 years. It is a movement that includes all black lives, regardless of gender or sexuality. Most of all, it is a movement that calls to attention the fact that racism has always been present, but has been redesigned, and that historically black lives have never mattered to America as much as white lives. We have allowed white supremacy to fester, mutate, and reproduce for over centuries, and black people are tired and scared.
Allyship can save lives. Being an ally to black communities in the BLM movement is essential to facilitate change. The more people involved, the more change is possible. Privilege gives us a platform to raise voices and demand change.
5. What can I do to learn more and help right now?
Additional Resources:
What you can do:
Donate money or time to the cause
Play this video to raise money if you can't donate
Donate supplies to protestors (water, milk, towels, masks, etc.)
Go to a protest
Contact government officials
Make an educated vote in upcoming elections
Follow BIPOC on social media
Educate yourself from sources by BIPOC
Please add to this list in the comments!
More of Your Contributions
You guys reached out and shared with me amazing information that helped me build this post. Here, I'm anonymously sharing some of the most impactful responses I received to some questions I asked.
What does allyship mean to you?
"It means that I have others who may not be like me, but who support me and love me"
"Unconditional acceptance and a willingness to listen to each individual's story"
"Allyship means standing with and supporting, along with educating oneself about the struggle and the hardships a group faces, and working towards bettering behaviors"
Why does allyship matter?
"More laws and policies get passed when more people are fighting for LGBTQIA+ rights"
"The marginalized need those in power to amplify their voices so their oppressors can hear"
"A fight can't be just the group that needs help, allies make it so it's a group effort"
What should allies DO?
"Being an ally isn't a title you give yourself, but a title you earn by showing up repeatedly and meaning it. "Performative until proven otherwise""
"Be informed. Don't just do it for the clout, but be an ally to genuinely help people"
"Recognize that our self-label is what we are comfortable [with] and respect it"
"For BLM: educate and share what you've learned. Listen to black people and learn from them"
"For LGBTQ+: educate and share but also practice intersectionality"
What should allies NOT do?
"Don't use slurs such as faggot, lesbo, etc.. Don't act like allies understand the struggle. Just like I don't know what it's like to be black in America, allies don't know what it's like to be gay in America"
"[Don't] post about yourselves in this time [or] argue [with] people from each group about what's right"
What else is important to you in regards to allyship? Your community?
"Accountability. Mistakes will be made, but that's how you grow in being an ally. Understand your impact more than your intention. Being an ally is something that's selfless"
"Understanding [BLM is] not a moment but a movement and it's just getting started"
Media
1. Books
When We Rise: My Life in the Movement by Cleve Jones
The Men with the Pink Triangle by Heinz Heger
Black on Both Sides: A Racial History of Trans Identity by C. Riley Snorton
The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander
More than Enough by Elaine Welteroth
When They Call You a Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir by Patrisse Khan-Cullors and Asha Bandele
2. TV shows/Movies
Queer Eye
Love, Simon
Call Me By Your Name
The 13th
Black-ish
Get Out
3. Plays/Musicals
And Baby Makes Seven by Paula Vogel
The Laramie Project by Moisés Kaufman and members of the Tectonic Theater
Angels in America by Tony Kushner
I Am My Own Wife by Doug Wright
Fun Home by Lisa Kron
Topdog/Underdog by Suzan-Lori Parks
The Colored Museum by George C. Wolfe
For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/ When the Rainbow Is Enuf by Ntozake Shange
Fences by August Wilson
Ain't Too Proud by Dominique Morisseau
There is so much more I could say, and so much more that I have to learn, but nonetheless, I hope you found this article to be useful and informative. That said, if you felt like this was review and want to dive deeper, feel free to post additional information and resources as well as questions, concerns, and thoughts in the comments!
Lastly, I want to point out that I almost did not post this for fear of getting something wrong. But through my research and conversations, I have learned that it is better to say something and be wrong, than stay silent and do wrong. Regardless, I promise to learn, grow, and keep fighting. I hope that through my public learning, you will learn too. Feel free to let me know of anything in my post which is unhelpful or harmful, I'd be happy to go back and edit.
In conclusion, what I wrote here does not even begin to cover the true complexity and importance of allyship, but instead is meant as a starting point. No matter where you are in your education on allyship, please, do not stay silent. People are dying, they need you. Great change comes from having the difficult conversations. I hope this post gave you the courage to pursue them fearlessly, and with humility.
That's all for now! Have a wonderful week, and don't forget to love each other.
See you soon,
Sierra
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